How to Have an Adults-Only Wedding
Kids are great, but maybe you don't want them at your wedding. Maybe it's because you're worried about temper tantrums in the middle of your ceremony, the safety of your outdoor venue, paying for kids to attend when you're on a budget--or maybe you don't even really have a reason. It doesn't matter. It's your wedding and you shouldn't have to compromise your vision for your wedding! But, how do you handle upset parents? What do you tell the parents? How do you spread the word? What is the nicest possible way to explain not wanting kids to attend? I get asked these questions all the time so I decided it was about time to write an article to answer exactly that! Read on to learn all the tricks!
1. Tell Your Immediate Family, Bridesmaids, and Other VIP's...
Make sure the first people to know are your bridesmaids and immediate family. They can help spread the word to guests and help explain to guests why you made that decision. (One less thing you have to stress about!)
2. Offer a babysitter...
If you have it in your budget, hire a babysitter for them -- either a babysitter that will hang out with the kids in a separate room at your venue or one that is willing to watch multiple kids in one central location off-site. However, this can get expensive quickly as you need about one babysitter per 4-6 kids (depending on ages, you could need even more!) If it isn't in your budget, get on a site like Care.com to research highly rated babysitters near your venue, get in touch with them and ask if they are open to you giving out their contact information for this purpose. Add their contact info to your website or insert an additional card with your invitations and RSVP's and include that in the mailings to the families with children. This will also help make sure the message of "no kids" is heard loud and clear and will also help minimize anyone getting angry about it, because they know they have options.
3. Put it on Your Website...
For mine, I put the message on the RSVP page, directly above the contact form section. A nice way to word that you don't want kids is "We love to watch kids run and play, but this is an adults-only kind of day!" Also, add a section with the contact information of the babysitters in the area, if possible. If you are really concerned that people won't get the message, add it to multiple pages of your site. (But maybe not every single page -- then you start to come off as rude!)
4. Stick to Your Guns...
This is the most important thing. DO NOT make exceptions, even if you are tempted to. If you allow one person to bring their kid and someone else with kids finds out, you will definitely be hearing about it. Even if they don't find out until they are at the wedding, they will be upset -- I promise. You CAN of course, still have a flower girl and a ring bearer, as they are considered to be part of your wedding party, not guests. If you are worried about having a flower girl and ring bearer and upsetting guests, consider having a babysitter at the venue for after the ceremony to hang out with the kids in a separate location, or using your dogs as your ring bearer and flower girl like I did!
5. Add it to Your Invitations, but...
Only add it to your invitations if you are truly worried about people not seeing it, despite having it on your website and having family members spread the word. Two options for adding it to your invitations are to use the same phrase as the website, or to put "Ceremony at 5 PM, Adults-only reception to follow." The only problem with that one is, they might misunderstand and think they can bring the kids to the ceremony, as long as they leave by the reception. It works if you are okay with that.
6. Be Prepared For Upset Guests...
Despite your best efforts at being nice, there may still be an upset guest or two, or even some who decline to attend. Be prepared for the best ways to handle them. 1) Tell them you don't have the budget to include kids. 2) Explain to them that while you're sure their kid would be well behaved (because they all think that) if you make an exception for one person, you have to make exceptions for everyone or the other guests will be upset. 3) Only use this next one if it is true. Tell them your venue is not a safe place for children (my venue, for example, was in the middle of the woods, surrounded by water; another reason could be your fiance's college buddies are coming and will likely get very, very drunk and they might get clumsy or inappropriate). 4) Suggest they try to take advantage of a night without kids and make it a date night. (Honestly, the majority of the parents that came to mine were super excited to have a date night away from the kids!) 5) Give them names and contact info for multiple sitters in the area.
