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23 Things I Wish I Knew Before The Wedding


Wedding planning is a lot of work. There are SO many things I wish I knew before walking down the aisle. Today, I have put together a list of 23 of those things in hope that it can help some of you out there who are still planning.

1. A lot of the details are less important than you think.

People aren't going to remember what all your signs said, or what you gave out as favors, or even what your cake looked like. What your guests will remember is their experience at your wedding. The DJ, the food, the atmosphere, and if it was fun. Of course, all the little details help to create that atmosphere, so I am not suggesting that you ignore all the details. However, you don't need to spend hours and hours and hours making sure every tiny detail looks "Pinterest Perfect." Focus more on the things your guests will remember.

2. Photography & videography matter more than anything else.

After the wedding, the dress gets put away in a closet, sold, or even trashed. The decor gets thrown away, sold or put somewhere in your house. Remember that all of this is for only ONE DAY of your life. What will you have left to remember the wedding after the day is over? What will you have to remember the day? The vows? The fun? Photography and videography are all that you will have to look back on and remember the day. You may think "I'll never rewatch a wedding video, so why should I pay so much for one?!" But here's the thing: you may not rewatch it every day, every week, every month or even every year, but that doesn't mean you will never watch it. Imagine later on, being able to show your kids an actual video of your wedding day so it's like they can experience it with you! Imagine losing someone very dear to you after the wedding and being able to go back and watch how happy they were on the best day of your life. Spend the money and get a GOOD photographer and a videographer.

3. Having your bridesmaids pick out their own dresses seems like a good idea... But in reality, it can be an even bigger headache.

I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, but I've generally found that it seems like a great idea to just tell your girls the color and the general style of dress you want. That way you don't have to deal with everyone not liking the same dress or complaining about money or whatever else. I started my wedding planning telling my girls to pick their own black dresses for the wedding. I swear to God, I was getting messages almost daily asking me to tell them what fabric it should be, what length it should be, was off the shoulder ok, etc. To be honest I didn't care about the answer to any of those things, as long as they were comfortable. Then they started sending me pictures of dresses they were thinking about and let me tell you, my wedding would have looked like a disaster. Not necessarily because they didn't have good taste in dresses but more because one of them wanted a $200 tulle floor-length dress, one found a $50 cotton jersey above-the-knee dress and another found a beaded $100 silk knee-length dress. When you open yourself up to "wear what you want in this color" there are some things you have to think about. If one of them goes all out and gets a super expensive dress, is it going to look good standing next to the $50 dress the next girl picked out? Are the different shades of the color going to look okay? (Even black fabric comes in a variety of tones--some have a brown undertone, some blue.) Do the fabrics clash with each other--are some of them shiny and some of them matte? Do some have beading or detailing that the others don't have? It's seriously a headache. You have to basically go with each bridesmaid to try on dresses to make sure they match the other girls, then you have to make sure they STOP looking for a dress once they find one because girls have a tendency to want to keep looking for something better, so even if you get all your girls in dresses that work together, one of them could decide she hates the dress now and goes and buys a totally different one than you discussed. Just save yourself the pain. Take your girls shopping together (try to get them all to go if you can) and pick out a dress that looks good on everyone and everyone is at least somewhat happy with. They make convertible bridesmaids dresses now, which is awesome, because you can still have that look of everyone in different dresses without the huge headache. My bridesmaids all got the same dress with a sequin bodice and a tulle skirt that had panels that could be pulled up to make different types of straps, sleeves, belt or even a bow in the back. My mom/MOH had a full sequin dress with tulle overlay, made by the same designer and in the same fabric as the bridesmaid dresses. I was so glad that I decided to just say, "Let's all go pick a dress together."

4. Things will go wrong, and it will be okay.

No matter what you do, things will go wrong on the wedding day. Honestly, a lot more will go wrong then you will even be aware of on the day because suddenly everyone turns into a compulsive liar towards you on the day of, to protect you from freaking out. Things definitely went wrong on my wedding day, and you know what? It didn't matter. Are there things I wish were different? Sure. But in the grand scheme of things, none of it matters. All that matters is that you are marrying your best friend. No matter how much you plan, no matter how type A you might be, things will always go wrong, but it's OKAY. It can even lead to accidental fun!

5. What other people want doesn't matter.

But don't immediately disregard it either.

Everyone has an opinion when it comes to wedding planning. From the shoes you wear, what the bouquets look like, to the color of the napkins. IT'S YOUR WEDDING. Don't change things just because your mom wants this, or your sister wants that or your FMIL (future mother-in-law) wants you to do things her way. Do what you want.

But keep in mind, not all ideas are bad ideas. Don't immediately disregard a suggestion from someone without really considering it first. For instance, I really did not want to do a seating chart, but my mom pretty much insisted. Looking back, I can't thank her enough for pushing me into doing one. I even wrote an article about seating charts after the wedding to explain why seating charts might just be THAT important.

Consider options that people suggest, but stick to your guns if it's not something you want to change. I promise, they will forgive you.

6. You need a rain plan, no matter what the forecast says.

I don't care what the weather forecast may say, or what the weather is usually like. I don't care if it only rains twice a year where you are getting married. You NEED to have a rain plan. If it doesn't rain, that's awesome. But imagine it does actually rain and you had no other plan than to get married in an open field and dance all night under the stars. It sounds like such a beautiful wedding, but if all your guests are getting soaked because it's pouring rain that day, I promise it won't be nearly as beautiful as if you rented a tent and danced all night under the tent.

7. Don't even bother checking the weather.

The forecast changes all the time--don't even check it until a day or two before the wedding. By constantly checking the forecast in the days or even weeks leading up to your wedding, all you are doing is freaking yourself out for no reason. Have your rain plan just in case and then lay off checking the weather. The weather forecast can literally change in a matter of an hour or two. A week before my wedding it said "sunny and 75 degrees." Three days before, it suddenly changed to "100% chance of pouring rain all weekend." The night before my wedding, it said "rain all day and 50 degree high." The morning of my wedding, I woke up to the forecast of "rain until 1 p.m., then sun and 60 degrees." By 11 a.m. it had stopped raining for the entire day (and night) and we were able to go ahead without a rain plan. We ended up with gorgeous overcast lighting for photos along with sun right at sunset! Weather is always changing. Don't stress yourself out by checking it constantly.

8. Be careful who you choose as bridesmaids.

I actually wrote another article all about choosing the right bridesmaids. Trust me, you don't want to have to kick someone out a month before your wedding and end up losing that friendship like I did. Choose the right girls from the beginning and you can avoid all the headache and drama that comes with picking the wrong girls.

9. A first look really helps calm your nerves.

Yes, a first look still is not considered "traditional" but you'd be surprised just how many people are starting to do a first look. There's actually a lot of really good reasons to do them. The main one is that it can really help calm your nerves before you walk down the aisle. But I think you get more personal, emotional photos from first looks because the two of you are all alone (with your photographer) and you aren't afraid of crying, or trying to react a certain way in front of guests. It also lets you spend some quality time, just the two of you, before the chaos that is your wedding day really begins. It can be hard to find alone time together after the ceremony, so having a first look means you are guaranteed at least a little alone time. First looks also leave more time for family photos after the ceremony.

10. Make a "shot list" for your photographer.

Your photographer will know some pictures to take, but if you have any special requests, you need to tell them. Most professional photographers will ask you for a shot list ahead of time, but some may not. For me, this was very important because our family is widespread. My parents are divorced, his parents are divorced, his Dad is remarried, etc. So our shot list was a lot longer, and quite different from the traditional "picture with Mom and Dad, picture with the entire family" shot list. Be sure to give your shot list to the photographer at least a month ahead of the wedding, and think it through carefully. I forgot to include my usher in the list because I wasn't going to have an usher until I realized that it really is a good idea, even for a very small wedding. So our usher helped Grandma to the reception area and didn't come back for photos.

11. DIY doesn't necessarily mean cheaper.

Some DIY projects can actually end up costing you a LOT more than just buying or renting things. This is NOT the case with all DIY by any means, but consider looking on Etsy for that amazing flower crown before you decide to DIY and compare the prices. When I made my friend's flower crown for her wedding, it ended up costing roughly $30 to make and we probably could have bought one on Etsy for $35 or $40 and not had to spend the time making it. It may not have been exactly 100% what she wanted because she wouldn't have gotten to hand select every flower in the crown, but if time is short, it may not matter. Just do your research before you take on DIY projects

12. BUT, DIY can be a great way to save money, if you have the time to do it.

Doing DIY for your wedding is very time consuming so it's important to try not to take on too much DIY all at once. If you have the time to sit down and do it and can do it much cheaper than you could purchase it for--by all means do it! My veil would have cost $100+ at a bridal salon but my Mom made it for about $40 (including the jeweled hair comb - it would have been under $10 without that!). I printed my own invitations, so it only cost me $20, when having those made would have been well over $300. Overall DIY saved me a TON of money, but I probably spent over 100 hours making things for my wedding, as did my Mom.

13. Designate someone as a point-of-contact for the day of.

Guests will have questions, vendors might get lost. Pick someone trustworthy to be the "day-of contact" for everyone. I would suggest your Maid of Honor or the Mother of the Bride. Give their phone number to guests and vendors in case of day-of emergencies. In fact, if you don't want to deal with all the questions and stuff leading up to the day, give their number out before the day of. On my wedding website, I put "Please contact Kathy (my Mom/MOH) with any questions or concerns" and gave her phone number. That saved me a lot of headaches in the weeks leading up to the wedding and on the day of.

14. You really should have a wedding website.

Wedding websites are awesome for SO many reasons. You can relay a ton of important info on the website without having to make your invitations super crowded. You can give people the option to RSVP online through the website. You can even do like I did and put all the photo booth pictures on the wedding website after the wedding so all your guests can see them! Not to mention, it will always be there for you to look at whenever you want, so it's pretty great for sentimental reasons too! There are tons of places you can make wedding websites for free. I've heard good things about The Knot (although I personally didn't like it). I personally used Wix and I loved it. You can personalize Wix sites WAY more than you can with The Knot.

15. You will forget a lot about your wedding day.

I already kind of mentioned that this is why you need a good photographer and videographer, but I feel that I really need to reiterate it. Within a month, I couldn't remember one word of my husband's vows. I wish I had a video, at least of our ceremony, because I barely remember anything about it now and it's only been 7 months! You don't even realize just how much you will forget about your wedding, so try to plan for it by hiring a videographer!

16. It's okay to skip rituals that don't matter to you.

If you don't feel the need to do a bouquet toss, a garter toss, even a cake cutting...SKIP IT. It doesn't matter, and not many people are going to miss it. It's your wedding day and you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. I didn't do a bouquet or a garter toss and I don't think a single person even noticed. If a tradition doesn't seem appealing to you, you don't have to do it!

17. Post-wedding-depression is a real thing and it might happen to you.

Did you know that it is completely normal to get depressed after your wedding?! It seems so strange. You got to marry your best friend, why would you be sad?! But it is a real thing and it does happen to a lot of people. For one, your wedding is supposed to be "the best day of your life" and guess what, it is kind of sad to realize that the "best day of your life" is over and you will never be that happy ever again. (Or at least that's what you think at the time!) But there's also the fact that you just put so much time, effort, energy and love into planning this one day and now it's over. You may feel like you are missing something after because wedding planning became such a huge part of your life for such a long time. I plan to write an article all about post-wedding blues and how to deal. I'll be sure to put a link in this article when I do!

18. Short ceremonies rock.

I am disabled. I can't stand or walk for very long without breaks, so I had to have as short a ceremony as possible. I think my ceremony was maybe 5-10 minutes long. I highly recommend a short ceremony. People get bored and stop paying attention when your ceremony goes on and on and on. Short, sweet and to-the-point is the way to go. If you've ever been to a long wedding ceremony, you know what I mean. If you're also suffering from a chronic or invisible illness, check out my article on Planning a Wedding with a Chronic Invisible Illness too!

19. Trial runs are very necessary,

for everything from hair and makeup to the ceremony rehearsal.

I can't stress enough how much you are going to want trial runs. I think I had 3 hair trials before I was content (provided, I am a hairstylist so I'm probably more picky than most), and I did loads of makeup trials beforehand (but I was doing my own makeup, so I could easily do tons of trials on myself). One thing I keep hearing people thinking about skipping lately is a rehearsal dinner. I can understand the concept of not wanting to spend a ton of money on a rehearsal dinner and that it can seem kind of pointless, but I think people are forgetting that the entire point of a "rehearsal dinner" is actually rehearsing the ceremony before the dinner. A ceremony rehearsal is a seriously great thing to do. It just lets everyone know where to go, how to walk, etc. Don't skip out on the rehearsal just to save some money. There are no rules anymore--you don't have to have a big fancy dinner afterward. Just take them all out for pizza or or have a backyard barbeque!

20. The day will not go according to your perfect timeline,

no matter how many hours of stress you put into it.

Things will run behind or ahead of schedule. That's just part of a wedding. Nothing is going to go 100% perfect on the day of the wedding. Do yourself a favor and build extra time into your timeline to begin with. Throw an extra 10-15 minutes in anywhere you can because I promise you are going to need it. Don't freak out if you're running a little behind, it's totally normal.

21. But, a timeline is still 100% necessary.

Number 20 does not, however, mean that you don't need to bother making a timeline. You definitely still need a timeline. It may not go perfectly according to plan, but it will be complete chaos without a timeline.

22. You might have people RSVP that they will be there and then not show up.

Or, people that RSVP that they won't make it might

show up anyway.

People will call you a few days before telling you they can no longer make it. Other people will tell you they are coming and then not show up. Still others will tell you they can't come but decide to show up anyway. That's just the way the world works. I had 75 people tell me they were coming. I had 2 or 3 call the week of and tell me they couldn't make it (for a very good family emergency reason) but out of the 75 that told me they would come, I had around 55-60 actually show up. I was very surprised when I realized some of the people didn't show up. I don't remember anyone coming who said they couldn't, but I know that does happen quite often too. Just remember that this is normal and it's not something to freak out over. As long as you and your spouse-to-be show up, that's all that really matters!

23. You WILL have people that don't RSVP at all that you will

have to track down.

Most people think "this won't happen to me" but let me tell you, this happens to everyone. People these days are just not good at sending in RSVPs. I'm not sure why. Be prepared to make some calls tracking people down (and yes, it's okay to call and ask!). Usually, I'd say give it about a week (if possible) after the RSVP deadline passes before you start making those calls. Generally, your RSVP deadline should be a day to a week before your caterer wants a final head count, which is usually about 2-3 weeks before the wedding.

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