Save The Dates vs. Invitations
I often see brides who are confused about save the dates (or STDs!) and invitations, from not knowing what the difference is to whether they are both necessary and when to send each one. I am going to try my best to explain the differences and timelines that go with standard STDs and invitations. (I also make custom-designed, digital, printable invitations, STDs, programs and more. Click here to purchase.)
Save The Dates
What are they?
Save the dates are exactly what they sound like: an announcement that lets your guests know they should mark the day on their calendar way ahead of time. They let your guests know "Hey, this wedding is coming up and you're going to be invited, so start planning!"
Do I need them?
Save the dates are NOT necessary. They can be a lot of fun to make and most guests do appreciate them. However, if you are on a strict budget, this is one of the places that it is actually okay to skimp or skip entirely.
When do I send them?
STDs are sent out BEFORE invitations. The general rule of thumb here is that they go out around 6-8 MONTHS before the wedding. Generally speaking, 6 months is for weddings with mostly in-town guests and not many people traveling for the wedding, while 8 months is for situations where you have a lot of people traveling or for destination weddings. If you are having a true destination wedding (a location everyone involved has to fly to), it is okay to send them out a little earlier than the 8 month rule, but please don't send them out more than 9-10 months in advance. If you send them a year or more in advance, people will not be ready to plan that far out and most likely will just set them off to the side and forget about them.
Do I need a photo for them?
It is definitely a lot more popular to get engagement photos done ahead of time and use those pictures on your save the dates. This is not at all necessary. If you really want to send out STDs but you don't have the budget for engagement pictures, it is totally fine to do them without a picture. On that note, I should mention that it's NOT a good idea to use a non-professional photograph for your save the dates. I've seen people use selfies for STDs and let me tell you--they just don't look good. Either do a professional picture or don't do a picture at all!
What do I put on them?
This is where you have a little more leeway. While the invitations tend to be a little more strict about what goes on them, the same does not go for save the dates. Make sure you put your wedding date along with a location. (It doesn't have to be the actual address, but make sure to put at least the city and state where the wedding will be held.) Other than that, this is a great spot to add things like your wedding website, the fact that it will be adults only, or any similar specifics that affect planning, such as "a block of rooms is reserved at the ____ hotel," and even where you're registered.
Who do I send them to?
Save the dates, like invitations, ONLY go to those people who will be INVITED to the wedding. I've actually seen a lot of people who ask this question. A lot of people get save the dates confused with an announcement. You do NOT send a save the date to your mom's coworkers or your best friend's aunt and uncle, unless you are actually going to invite those people to your wedding. Save the dates are not announcements and they should only go to people who will actually be invited. If you want to send an announcement to people who won't be invited, you can do that via the local newspaper, or even make a separate announcement that you can mail to anyone and everyone you know. If you choose to send announcements, you can send them out as soon as you are engaged. Do not put a date or location on them. Simply put something along the lines of "We are excited to announce that we will soon be Mr. and Mrs." or something like that. As soon as someone sees a date or location, they are going to assume they will be invited to the wedding, and you don't want that!
How do I address them?
Address save the dates the same way you plan to address the wedding invitations. This is easier because you can use the same list of names and addresses for both. It also lets them know whether they will get a plus one or not. If you plan to give the person a plus one, put "Mr. Gregory Johnson and Guest." If you don't plan to give them a plus one, address it ONLY to that person. Another thing I should mention: If a save the date or an invitation does not say "and guest," then the invited person should not assume they can bring a guest, so be sure to make this decision early enough to avoid confusing your invitees.
Wedding Invitations
What are they?
Your wedding invitation is what you will send out before the wedding to give everyone the details on date, time, address, etc. These are much more formal and much more detailed than the save the date.
Do I need them?
YES. No matter how casual your wedding may be--it may only be 20 people in your Mom's backyard--you still have to send out real, paper invitations. I've seen people considering only sending out a Facebook Event invitation. This is not just any party. This is your WEDDING. You don't have to spend a ton of money on your invitations if you're having a super casual backyard wedding, but you should still send out a real invitation. The paper invitation is also how you convey the formality of the wedding. If you're doing the casual backyard wedding, it's fine to send a simple postcard. If you're doing a black tie, evening gown type of event you need to spend more on your invitations and make them look as formal as a beaded evening gown (so to speak). Match your invitations to the feeling of your wedding. In fact, it's best to match them to the color scheme of your wedding as well. You might not realize this, but the colors of the invitation traditionally reflect the wedding party's color scheme (bridesmaid dress color) and this serves as a clue to your guests NOT to show up wearing that color if possible, so that they don't appear to be in the wedding party and they allow the wedding party to stand out.
When do I send them?
The general rule of thumb for wedding invitations is 6-8 WEEKS. (See the pattern? 6-8 WEEKS for invitations, 6-8 MONTHS for STDs...Always remember 6-8 for all things wedding--did you know most wedding dresses also take 6-8 months to come in?!) Again, 6 weeks ahead is better for more casual, in-town affairs while 8 weeks is better for more formal or destination type weddings. Most caterers want a final head count one week prior to the wedding, and it could take you a week to call stragglers who forget to RSVP, so the "RSVP by" date should be 2 weeks before the wedding.
Do I need a photo for them?
Generally, most wedding invitations do NOT have photographs on them. This is how a lot of people can quickly tell the difference between a Save the Date and a wedding invitation. And usually, there is so much information on invitations that there's no room for a photo.
What do I put on them?
While this also depends on how formal your wedding is, you will always need to include a few basic things. If your parents are helping pay for the wedding, their names go on the invitation: "Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Johnson request the honor of your presence at the celebration of the marriage of their daughter, ... to ..." If both sets of parents are contributing, you would say "Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Johnson along with Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Smith request the honor of your presence at the celebration of the marriage of their children, ... and ..." If a set of parents isn't married, you can say "Mr. Benjamin Johnson and Ms. Sarah Johnson, along with (groom's parents' names) request the honor of your presence at the celebration of the marriage of their children, ... and ..." That part is usually a smaller font. Then comes the bride's first and last name and the groom's first and last name in a larger font (where I show ellipses above).
Then you include the wedding date, the location, and the time. You should include something like "Reception to follow at 6 pm at (venue)" so they know they are also invited to the reception and how much time they will have between the two. (Some people save money by not inviting everyone to the reception, but this isn't a popular option.) You should include an RSVP card (with a self-addressed, stamped envelope for those older guests who would not know how to RSVP online). This card should include "Please RSVP by (date)" and how to RSVP online. This card also gives space for them to include the number of people who will attend and their choice of entree, if appropriate. Include a reception card if you want to list extra details like "open bar" or "cash bar," where you are registered, or directions.
Who do I send them to?
Wedding invitations go to anyone who is invited to the wedding. You can also send these to your wedding vendors such as your officiant, your photographer and your videographer, but you do not have to.
How do I address them?
Again, this can depend on the formality. For the most formal, black tie wedding you would address them "Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Johnson" or "Dr. and Mrs. Benjamin Johnson" (or "Mr. Benjamin and Dr. Sylvia Johnson). Take a step down in the formality, and it is okay to write each person's name: "Mr. Benjamin Johnson and Mrs. Nicole Johnson." Never use nicknames and always put Mr., Mrs. or Ms. or whatever their title may be. "Ben Johnson & Nikki Johnson" is not acceptable for wedding invitations. If it's a super casual backyard wedding you could probably get away with "Benjamin Johnson and Nicole Johnson" without the titles. (Of course, if his name really is just Ben and not Benjamin, then it's okay to write it that way.) If whole families are invited, the wording is "Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Johnson and Family." Pay attention to capitalization so they are consistent. Also, for formal invitations, you should spell out addresses, such as "1234 Saint Louis Boulevard." You can abbreviate those on informal invitations.
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